mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
