my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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