she looked like the before picture.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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