I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
