PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
