So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
