ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
