I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Text me some of your sweat
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
