C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
