He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am one with the molecules
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
