Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
