nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
