I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
