I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
