what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
