Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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