I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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