i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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