I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
