I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
