I just made out with a guy for $7.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
