idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
