I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize