the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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