I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
