And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
