This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
