i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Randomize
