Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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