"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
