I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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