I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
