Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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