It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
