he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
