My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I could make wine with my vomit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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