Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize