i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
