I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
