Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize