im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
