So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
