I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
