bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize