Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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