Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
