pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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