Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
