So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
