you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
