nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
