is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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