does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This is my gift to your gina
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
