rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize