would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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