first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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