it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
