If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
