this beer tastes like vomit already
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
