sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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