We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
