I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
