Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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