the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
