In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the condom got lost in my hair
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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